Everyday, I dig through the Sports Blogtopia to find the best posts to share with you, my loyal readers, like a father bringing home the bacon (or something like that). Now, I'm Bringin' Home the Blogs...

Now on his fourth team, Kwame Brown may be fighting for his NBA career. That is, if he shows the desire to be an NBA player, writes EMPTY THE BENCH. So maybe I was presumptuous with that "fighting" word.

JOE SPORTS FAN gave Tyson Gay with his own MySpace page, and look at all the sports celebrities that stopped by!

I'm often approached on the streets by adoring fans who ask, "Hey, Ron, if you were a sports legend, what would you do?" Why, help a mob family buy my former team, of course! THE SPORTS POINT has the story of the soccer player who did just that.

Finally, today marks the end of July, and all I can say is "finally." RUMORS AND RANTS has the thirty-one reasons that really made it suck.

China brought out all the stops for the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. The country's most famous director, Zhang Yimou, spent three years designing a 10,000-man production that was to encompass 5,000 years of Chinese history.

The entire show was to be a grand surprise, a secret. That is, until those pesky South Koreans got involved. A video crew captured and aired images of whales, a colorful globe, high-flying performers, and a choreographed countdown during a rehearsal.

Sun Weide, an Olympics spokesperson, acknowledged the leak was "disappointing," but said "the fragments cannot demonstrate the full picture of the spectacular opening ceremony."

Whew! That's a relief!

So how, exactly, did the South Korean network even get into the rehearsal? There was no sneaking involved; all they had to do was show officials their ID cards.

In other news, researchers have discovered an inverse relationship between Chinese capitalism and (ancient) Chinese secret-keeping ability.

Everyday, I dig through the Sports Blogdome to find the funniest, most informative postings to share with you, my loyal readers. Now, I'm Bringin' Home the Blogs...

THE WIZARD OF ODDS has a message to the Internetz from Coach Spurrier: "Don't tell my recruits about my players' arrests." Of course, I'm just paraphrasing.

"See! Even he knows three of the charges have been dropped!"

I have been known to complain about athletes bolting for more money. That's why one point, addressing loyalty, stood out in THE HARDBALL TIMES' reply to Buzz Bissinger.

Join THE SPORTS HERNIA for some fill-in fun featuring Aaron "____" Rodgers!

What happens when Oprah's book club and the NBA collide? You get another great set of fun photoshops from CUZOOGLE. The D'Antoni Code is good, but the plot structure is strikingly similar to Angels & Demons.

"Can every athlete in the world be tied to Derek Jeter through his many Hollywood Flings?" THE WORLD OF ISAAC gave it a good try.

WARNING: Before clicking the following link, be prepared to invest at least 30 minutes watching videos. With twenty dunk attempts gone painfully wrong, ATHLISTS shows there are twenty ways to die while dunking the basketball.

If 30 seconds sounds better, here's the nastiest of all the videos.

Every summer, the NBA gathers its rookies together for a publicity photo shoot, and every summer, I become more and more convinced the photographers try to make the pictures fun creating awkward poses. This year, the rookies -- especially Joe Alexander -- are hilarious as ever.

(Note: If you want the large versions, click on the pictures.)

For fifteen cents a day, you can save an impoverished child like Anthony Randolph.

JaVale McGee, equipped with a headband and laser eyes, will destroy you.

What is he grabbing? OMGZ!

"All I wanted was a big boy chair."

Mario had to stand on the stool, and he didn't even get a number?!!?!

While tiptoeing, Mario changed his tune; the stool wasn't so bad after all.

Roy Hibbert is one seductive seven-foot-three-er. Ladies...

Has any 6-10 power forward been transformed into a nonathletic point guard through the magic of film?

Middle school volleyball players don't even dare to try this pose.

Joe "I'm Just Programmed to Stiffen Up in Front of Cameras, OK!" Alexander. (Editor's Note: Despite his up-and-coming porn 'stache, we did not intend for the double meaning in Joe's nickname. The Undrafted Free Agent regrets the error.)

Little known fact: Joe Alexander was a top-ranked Chinese star-throwing ninja before returning to the United States. Hence this picture.

Joe being Joe With Hand.

It may just be me, but there seems to be a bit of The Price is Right in this pose.

Joe has loads of charisma.

Finally, Joe isn't the focal point of awkward in a picture (though he is still giving the photographers a run for their money)!

In what will become a daily feature, I will dig through Sports Blogdome to find the funniest, most informative postings. I'm Bringin' Home the Blogs...

What happens when a Syracuse football recruit doesn't give Coach Robinson a call? As TROY NUNES IS AN ABSOLUTE MAGICIAN shows, the coach leaves one hilarious phone message.

Robinson is probably one of the few normal football coaches.

Matt Millen, resembling a certain Caddyshack character in TIRICO SUAVE'S mind, shot a groundhog. Who did he consult when it came time to create a groundhog stew? None other than ESPN's favorite formerly-retired quarterback.

After years of Yankee fans questioning Goose Goosage's Hall of Fame snub, he finally made it. According to one writer at BUGS & CRANKS, we should end the injustice and let every Yankee into Cooperstown.

So, how about Fernando Tatis? He's had a pretty strong resurgence. Maybe we should give him some props, says THE LEGEND OF CECILIO GUANTE.

JUICED SPORTS BLOG is in search of Loser-ville, USA. Chances the winner will be some high school town? There is no chance, thankfully.

Disturbing news out of Chicago today: Drunken Cubs fans acted like drunken Cubs fans. That wasn't good news for the lone White Sox backer in the group:

McHenry County authorities say three Chicago Cubs fans face felony battery charges after allegedly beating a Chicago White Sox fan so badly he lost his right eye.

The men are accused of beating 32-year-old Robert Steele of Gurnee during a 2-year-old girl's Sesame Street-themed birthday party.

Police said Monday the men were drinking alcohol at the July 19th party and taunting Steele.

This is just the latest in a growing trend of rivalry violence. In May, a Yankee-loving woman drove her car into and killed a Red Sox fan after an argument -- which consisted of creative chants like "Yankees suck!" -- (shockingly) in a bar. Then earlier this month, a group of Red Sox fans beat a man with a baseball bat, figuring his New York license plates meant he was a Yankees fan. He wasn't, and they weren't even drunk.

So what does this all mean? People shouldn't get plastered when they are with a rival.

Shea Stadium is as dangerous as ever: Another fan fell off the escalator, leading to serious injuries. Man, riding on the handrails might not have been a great idea.

Here at the Undrafted Free Agent, little sympathy is spared for stupidity. As such, we have created a t-shirt for like-minded Mets fans. Enjoy.

Front

Back

Nine years ago, Josh Hamilton was on top of the world, becoming the top draft pick of the (then) Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Early on, he didn't disappoint, showing his immense talent in the minor leagues.

Unfortunately, things didn't last. Hamilton began to struggle with injuries, and an addiction to cocaine began. In the years that followed, his life reached new lows: seven failed rehab attempts, five suicide tries, and (the least of his worries) three lost seasons.

Then in 2005, he turned things around. Having found strength in God, Hamilton's eight attempt at rehab worked. Two years later, he made his return to baseball with the Reds. He hit .292 with 19 home runs before being traded to the Rangers. He has yet to disappoint; the Hambino is hitting .308 with 22 homers and 98 RBI in route to his first All-Star appearance.

Oh, and he had 28 home runs in the first round of the Home Run Derby, adding frosting to the cake that is his recovery story. Who could resist such a perfect story? Nobody. Not the media. Not the public. Josh Hamilton was an inspiration for us all and addicts everywhere!

Shakespeare DiMaggio of Tirico Suave says not so fast; is Josh Hamilton really all that inspirational?

When I think of inspirational sports stories, I think of Lance Armstrong dominating the Tour De France after beating cancer. How about Ray Ray McElrathbey raising his younger brother and playing Division One ball for Clemson. Jim Abbott overcoming his disability and carving out a nice Major League Career. Or even Jason McElwain dropping 20 in 4 minutes. I don’t think of a guy who dealt with the adversity of an injury by taking up crack.

The people who would best identify with Josh Hamilton's story would be fellow drug addicts. But would they find all that much inspiration? Your run-of-the-mill junkie can't afford quality rehab clinics, let alone eight. Your average addict doesn't have a handler following him around, making sure he stays away from his vices.

The typical junkie isn't a talented baseball player.

If I was a drug addict, I think I might even resent Josh Hamilton.

Germany clinched its first Olympic birth since 1992 on Sunday with a win over Puerto Rico. Surely, Dirk Nowitzki and native American turned German Chris Kaman were thrilled.

Unfortunately, the only comments about the victory came from Kaman, who said, "I've only been here 12 days but Dirk has waited 12 years for this to happen. I can't even imagine the emotions that he must be feeling at this moment."

If he looked around the German locker room, Kaman could have seen the result of Dirk's emotions. Dirk, according to a blunt story in the Star-Telegram, was crying. A lot.

The Dallas Mavericks’ best player was in the locker room in Greece bawling Sunday, like a baby or newlywed or player who has finally delivered on a promise to his country, his coach and himself.

Like a baby?!? I'm sure Dirk would have preferred his cry-fest be kept quiet, but can the description get any more harsh? Bawling should be reserved for situations like this:

Dirk managed to hold back tears in the past.

Are you having trouble drawing fans to your football games? Do you want to create a connection with the fans while building team chemistry? Would you like to gain a better understanding of the business of college football?

Well, if you are play for Western Kentucky's football team, selling tickets door-to-door is for you!

Starting next week, nearly 100 WKU players and coaches will hit the pavement of local neighborhoods offering season tickets for $25. They will be split into for teams, and the team that sells the most wins a steak dinner.

“We had tremendous success with this initiative last year, and I am pleased we will be doing it again,” WKU coach David Elson said. “It enables our team to interact with the community that gives us such great support while also giving our student-athletes a unique perspective to the business side of athletics.

“I also believe good-natured competitions such as this help build team chemistry.”

Hopefully the sale is a success for WKU. Just watch out for any locals who open their doors expecting Girl Scout Cookies only to find football tickets.

Who would threaten a pregnant women? If she is carrying Jonathan Papelbon's baby and is his wife, a small minority of Yankee fans would. Or, at the very least, they would create a situation that makes her feel threatened.

That's what happened during MLB's All-Star parade down the New York streets. Now, we have video of some of the remarks directed at the couple.

For some crazy reason, I bet they heard worse.

Last night's All-Star game was a record-setting 4 hours and 50 minutes long. Please don't tell me you wasted your night watching (or even worse, live blogging) the game. There were so many things you could have done, like:

I firmly believe my prayers were answered when Justin Morneau scored to end last night's All-Star game. There is no other answer.

• Play 3,456 games of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Oddly enough, Clint Hurdle and Terry Francona would have played a best-of-one game if they ran out of pitchers.
• Watch Joey Chestnut eat 1,641 dogs. We here at the Undrafted Free Agent are confident that Joey Jaws will maintain his pace.
• Knockout Jose Canseco 7,293 times. That's a lot, even if it's just a rough calculation (read: random throwing together of digits). For the record, when I win, I will donate 85% of my earnings to the charity of my choice.
• Run the bases 864 times. Fatigue will never set in, allowing you to maintain a Prince Fielder-esque speed throughout.
• Watch the Chevrolet Man's dreadfully long MVP presentation 3.79 times. Just an aside: if anyone out there is listening, I need video of Chevrolet Man (like I needed proof that Roger Clemens used steroids) saying something like "baseball fans are awesome" before waiting for the fans to roar with their approval. The silence was deafening and really, really awkward.
  
• Write 57 kind letters to Florida Marlins second baseman under various names. Tell him to stay positive, that he is a fine defensive player. Forget that no All-Star has ever had as many errors in a single game.
• Reread the Mitchell Report twice and in its entirety. Notice how so few of the players named were at the game? They really are cleaning the game of steroids. Yeah, Bud!
• Change your mind about retirement no less than 5 times. Who cares? We don't have a legacy to ruin.
• Heat up no less than 1,193 times while playing a nostalgic game of NBA Jam, including 2,746 shots from downtown!
• Sleep.

What if Justin Morneau hadn't scored? Me thinks the game should have been decided on "rock, paper, scissors, chute!"

With so many activities to choose from, no wonder you decided to watch the All-Star game.

Umps are the regular targets of fans, players, and managers alike. The fan voices his displeasure from the stands or his couch. The players, on occasion, will get in the ump's face. However, the great umpire confrontations are between managers and the men in blue. So, we ask, which manager ejections and subsequent tantrums are the best?

8. Lloyd McClendon
The Pirates were 20 games below .500, and manager Lloyd McClendon was able to keep his cool. McClendon was finally able to let it all go on a questionable call. When an ump called Jason Kendall out on a close call at first, McClendon argued and got himself wrung up. He then pulled the base from the dirt and carried it back to the dugout, starting a new trend for managers everywhere.
7. Kash Beauchamp
Kash Beauchamp is another minor league manager unable to keep his cool. This time around, Kash appears to ask to ump to smell his shoe and his armpit. I'm going to guess he is telling the ump that he stinks, or something like that. Either way, he looks like an idiot that we can laugh at.


6. Bergin Tatham
Kicking dirt is acceptable. Screaming is acceptable. Stealing bases is acceptable. Really, as a manager, you can do anything short of striking an ump. Apparently, Enka High School baseball coach Bergin Tatham didn't get the memo.


5. Earl Weaver
If there was a Hall of Fame for managerial ejections, Earl Weaver would be a first ballot inductee. This particle tirades just makes me chuckle. Earl comes storming out, looking to take a piece out of the ump. The two go into a great exchange, the ump having to look down the entire time. (I think we have a new member of the Nate Robinson Complex Club.) That's great, but my favorite part is how upset he gets over a little finger-poking.


4. Butch Hobson
This next manager flip-out could have been avoided if the umps stuck with their original call, even if it was wrong. The men in blue were unsure whether the first baseman was on the bag. The first base ump called the runner out, but the home plate umpire overturned the call. Nashua Pride manager Butch Hobson had a conversation with the umps, getting thrown out in the process. Hobson decided to get his money worth. He ripped out the base, took it into the stands, and gave it to a young fan.


3. Lou Piniella
When it comes to managerial tirades, Lou Piniella is a five-tool manager. Screaming ability: check. Arm strength (a must for throwing hats or bases): check. Use of props: check. Creativity: check. Timing: check.

Piniella makes the list for his performance on August 21, 1990. After Barry Larking was called out on a close play at first, he argued the call. He threw his hat down and was ejected on the spot. Unwilling to be silenced, Piniella pulled up first base and threw it. Then he picked it up and hurled it again (must not have gone far enough the first time), sending it flying and rolling all the way into short right. This is the classic Piniella moment. Unfortunately, the video is nowhere to be found. So, how about a Sweet Lou self-parody in this Aquafina commercial?


2. Joe Mikulik
Joe Mikulik, manager of the Asheville Tourists, flipped out on the umps for calling a base stealer safe. He belly flops into second, rips it out, and gives the ump a closer look before throwing the base back. Mikulik continues with his tantrum, throwing bats, cleaning home plate (after covering it with dirt), and, overall, acting a fool.


1. Phillip Wellman
Mississippi Braves manager Phillip Wellman was thrown from a game and into baseball folklore with this tirade. After kicking dirt on home plate, he drew the umpire's strike zone in the dirt. Then he took third base and chucked it into the outfield. If that wasn't enough, he belly crawled to the mound, and tossed a grenade (or the rosin bag) at the umpire. Finally, he grabbed two bases and walked out of the field.


Did I miss a major managerial meltdown? Leave a comment!

After seeing all these bullies pick on Brett Favre (here, here, here, and here), I decided to channel my inner Chris Crocker and tell you all to leave Brett alone! I'm not a Favre fan , so this might be as hard as replacing him.
[Ron P. Crimson, wearing green and yellow face paint, hiding beneath a bed sheet.]

How dare anyone out there make fun of Brett after all he has been through! He was questioned prior to the season, but came within a game of the Super Bowl. Then he had an interception and lost it all. He felt like he couldn't do that all again and had to retire. And now he is doubting himself and his decision, going through a hard time!

All you bloggers care about is readers and making money off of him. He's a human!

What you don't realize is that Brett is giving you all these readers, and all you do is write or photoshop a bunch of crap about him. He hasn't not played football in three decades!

Brett said he had an itch to play more for a reason. Because all you bloggers want is more, more, more, more, more!

Leave him alone! You are lucky he even played for you jerks! Leave Brett alone, please!

[I futilely attempt to stifle my tears.]

Someone out there talked about professionalism and said if Brett was a true professional, he wouldn't have sent text messages to the Packers no matter what. Speaking of professionalism, when is it professional to publicly bash someone who is going through a hard time? Leave Brett alone, please.

[The tears begin to flow.]

Leave Brett Favre alone right now! I mean it! Anyone that has a problem with him, you deal with me, because he is confused right now!

[And more crying.]

Leave him alone.

JTA, the self-described global news service of Jewish people, has a breaking news story for you: Jews make baseball all-star squads!

Yes, it's true. In fact, Jews outnumber Giants on this year's roster. "At least three players of Jewish descent" were named to the roster, though there may be more players with unknown Jewish blood powering their All-Star performances.

Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis, who openly identifies as a Jew, was named a starter. Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun was also named a starter, but only identifies himself as half-Jewish. Ian Kinsler, Rangers second baseman and another half-Jew, is a reserve.

Thanks, JTA! I was worried that MLB would be Jew-less after Shawn Green retires, but I guess there will always be something^[1] drawing Jews to baseball.

1. The Undrafted Free Agent would like to apologize for perpetuating stereotypes. We are just frustrated that anyone found people of Jewish descent making an All-Star team all that newsworthy.

Over the span of two days and two games, Miami Heat forward Michael Beasley proved summer league games, in the grand scheme of things, mean little to nothing.

On Monday, Beasley made his summer league debut against the Chicago Bulls, led by fellow super-prospect Derrick Rose. Beasley dominated, scoring 28 points in 23 minutes against very good NBA defenders in Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah. He was having fun on the court, laughing, joking and singing as his team rolled over the Bulls.

The general consensus, it seemed , was that Beasley is a superstar.

Then came Tuesday, and things didn't go very well for the Heat forward. Beasley tallied just 9 points on 1-13 shooting to go along with 5 turnovers and 7 fouls. Visibly upset with his play, Beasley barked at the refs. Overall, his performance was less-than-stellar, to say the least.

The general consensus changed. Beasley is a rookie who might become a superstar.

If a player's entire future isn't determined by a single summer league game, what are they good for? The games give fans and coaches a first look at rookies or see how a second or third year player has developed over the summer. What are their strengths and weaknesses? Is his jump shot any better this year?

The key thing is this: do not overreact to each game. Remember, even Marcus Banks scored 42 points in his lone game last summer.

***

Since we're on the topic, how 'bout a video of Michael Beasley getting swatted by Tyrus Thomas?

Either Dante or Galante, who together form the legendary Orlando summer league announcing duo, had a brilliant call at the end: "[Beasley's] very upset as he smiles walking past half court." Thanks to Odenized for posting the video.

Former Oklahoma Sooners and Seattle Seahawks linebacker Brian Bosworth made a big stop this weekend by stopping to help a woman trapped in her crushed car.

The Boz and his son were going to the Winnipeg airport after a fishing trip when they spotted the car accident.

“I happened to tail in on the backside and there were ambulances and a fire truck. It looked like she rolled at least two or three times because the car ended up facing the opposite direction of oncoming traffic, upside down in the ditch.”

"She could have stayed there for hours behind a bunch of weeds. Her car was hidden. She was very fortunate they got to her so quickly. Her car was crushed."

Bosworth, who carried equipment for the paramedics and other workers, soon realized the seriousness of the situation.

"She was in shock and in pain and we couldn’t really move her. Her legs were pinned. We had to cut the steering wheel off. She was screaming every time we moved her. It took five or six guys to get her into the ambulance. "

After being removed from the vehicle with the saws of life, the woman was taken to the hospital for non-life threatening injuries. Yah, team!

I will concur with SPORTSbyBROOKS, who writes:

Say what you will about the guy’s NFL and acting careers, but you can’t knock Brian Bosworth’s heart. Most people would have driven by rubbernecking instead of trying to help.

In other Boz-rescue-related news, an article in the Vancouver Sun calls Bosworth a "former NFL star." Is that really fitting for a player whose NFL career is typically summed up with this clip? It's amazing how many players become NFL stars after they retire. (Seriously, google "former NFL Stars".)

You may find this revelation shocking, but there are plenty of great blogs outside of the Undrafted Free Agent. Follow these links, and you will be rewarded.

We both know I couldn't have thunk this up!

• NBA Draft recaps are exponentially better if they written by an Englishman who knows little to nothing about the prospects. [ShamSports]
• Should Brandon Jennings stick it to the powers that be and head to Europe? [JV Sports]
• Inspired by the Tyson "Homosexual" story, One News Now decided to re-issue altered trading cards. [Tirico Suave]
• A Bulls fan resigns from his NBA fandom in wake of the Saga in Seattle. [Yardbarker]
• The Spors Tsar handicaps NBA free agency with fun pictures, and I'm always up for that. [SportsTsar]
• Jay Williams gives advice to Derrick Rose. Derrick Rose wonders who Jay Williams is. Hilarity ensues. [The Sports Point]
• In baseball news, Milton Bradley was doomed from the start. [Tirico Suave]

Sonics fans watch as their collective puppy is run over by a semi.

The Saga in Seattle is over, and the Kevin Durants (a temporary name, I would assume) are on their way to Oklahoma. The city of Seattle and the franchise which once called it home reached a deal yesterday, ending an era in a great basketball city.

The owners, led by that evil [expletive] Clay Bennett, will pay Seattle $45 million to get out of their lease. If Seattle builds a new arena, and a team doesn't move in by 2013, the owners, led by that evil [expletive] Clay Bennett, will pay Seattle an additional $30 million.

That adds up to $75 million, which, interestingly enough, is more than the $60 million the owners, led by that evil [expletive] Clay Bennett, claimed they would lose if they stayed in the Emerald City.

"The transition and move of this team begins tomorrow morning," Bennett said in Oklahoma City, forgetting relocation began when he bought the Sonics in 2006.

But for all you Sonics fans who are rather depressed, there is good news: the team's moniker, the Sonics, will not be making the move to Oklahoma! Yes?!?

I mean, who cares if you endured years of mediocrity to land one of the best prospects of this decade, Kevin Durant? Who cares if he teased you with his potential, realizing you won't get a chance to see it met? Who cares that, when a new team decides to move to Seattle, you will have to watch your former superstar destroy your crappy new team?

The NBA doesn't care.

They couldn't win the trifecta.